Humor by Hank Nuwer
Now I know that the subject of transplanting fish and game into area where they previously never existed is a serious topic. It’s discussed in university wildlife management classes, Alaska Department of Fish and Wildlife transplant policy meetings, and occasional public forums.
But I’d like to relate a humorous story I read in a couple online newspapers dated 1951.
It seems that Cordova had a herd of six moose and local hunters hoped one day there would be enough of the big critters to hunt.
The only problem was that all six moose were of the bull persuasion.
These moose were part of a bunch that a large group of moose transplant idealists agreed was feasible sometime in the late 1940s.
Until the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service decided to bring the herd “one of the nicest presents a bunch of bull moose ever received from a beneficent government,” wrote an intrepid reporter, tongue firmly in cheek.
Yep, the Service decided to add a female to the bunch.
The reporter quoted veteran wildlife agent Holger Larsen predicting the competition is going to be terrific.
Now, that quote didn’t exactly astonish readers of our fair land.
Now, if I were a cartoonist back then, I’d have a field day drawing a political cartoon.
I’d have one hopeful moose picking flowers for a nosegay bouquet. Another would be looking in the mirror at himself clad in tuxedo and tails.
You get the picture.
For sure there was going to be competition and conflict.
Like it would be when six sled dogs to get tossed one frozen salmon.
This is when I start to question the IQ of government officials.
I understand this questioning of the workings of the brains of government muckety mucks is a pastime long practiced by Alaskans.
What happened is that the transplant team decided that Milady Moose needed company on the flight to Cordova.
No problem. I used to keep a Shetland pony in the pasture with my riding mare for company.
But given the overpopulation of bull moose in Cordova, wouldn’t you reason that the companion ought to be a female?
Nein, gentle readers. Another male was chosen.
Which meant, if you’re keeping score at home, instead of six bulls and two females, seven bachelors now adjusted their bowties in hopes of a date with the single no-doubt comely bachelorette.
The female moose jumped willingly into the cargo plane transporting her to Cordova.
The bull moose, however, balked. Four grown men had to poke, prod, and cajole it into the plane.
But land safe it did in Cordova.
I then read an interesting story by talented Cordova writer and historian Dick Shellhorn that might have contradicted this news story I’d found.
He learned there was only one bull and two cows on the Delta in 1950, a year before the transplant I dug up.
At any rate, by 1960 and additional moose transported, enough game animals were present for the first legal hunt, according to Shellhorn’s report.
Which only goes to show, all jokes aside, that sometimes there are great notions that do work out.
Hank Nuwer was named the second-place humor column writer of the year by the Alaska Press Club. He currently stars as Santa Claus in the Fairbanks Drama Association’s ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.