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Last night was the first day of rehearsal for the Fairbanks production of Ken Ludwig’s “T’was the Night Before Christmas.”  Last year I acted as Kris Kringle in :A Miracle on 34th Street.”

This column was written right before auditions. Two years in a row I play Santa Claus!  Typecasting, lol?

 

On Wednesday I learned that the Fairbanks Drama Association was having tryouts for the Christmas classic, “Miracle on 34th Street.” I recall the nuns in elementary school at holiday season showing us the 1947 film starring Edmund Gwenn as Kris Kringle with established stars Natalie Wood and Maureen O’Hara. This was a feel-good movie for a united America that needed a loving touch after the long years of World War Two with warmongering enemies.
Even so, I recall that my personal “Miracle” favorite actor was the tipsy Macy’s Department Store Santa played by Percy Helton, a dough-faced comic veteran of Hollywood flicks like “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.” Helton’s Santa, instead of spreading good cheer, polished off a bottle of good cheer in the film and was replaced by the “real” Santa, Kris Kringle (Edmund Gwenn).
Now I don’t know if that tipsy Santa role will be retained in the Fairbanks adaptation (by Mountain Community Theatre), but I figured I’d show up at tryouts to see if it was. Maybe I could play that comic Santa.
I possess unique credentials for the role. Ahem, ahem. Back in my student days, I worked part-time Christmas season at a New York Macy’s (Kings Plaza, Brooklyn) and chatted with the store’s Santa in the break room.
However, as a sales clerk in electronics, I nearly got replaced like old tipsy Santa did, but for another good reason.
A Macy’s manager screamed at me for selling a stereo for about $750 less than it was worth. What happened was a tall, lanky customer in a London Fog overcoat did the old switcheroo, substituting a high-dollar tag for a cheap tag. The manager removed me from selling electronics and handed me a mop to clean the floors after the stomachs of children gave up the tons of sugary foods their permissive parents let them eat. Luckily, the electronics section got busy, and after two days, I gave up mopping until I had children of my own.
Anyway, back to the play audition coming up.
About 9 p.m. Wednesday, I stood in front of the mirror twitching my belly and shouting a slurred “har, har, har,” instead of “ho, ho, ho.” My wife marched through the open door of our bathroom to see if I’d lost my marbles.
“What are you doing?” Gosia demanded.
“Rehearsing,” I said. “I’m trying to see if I can be a tipsy Santa in a Fairbanks Christmas play.”
When Gosia found her voice, she said I sounded like a sloshed pirate, not Santa Claus.
Gosia checked to make sure I was sober, which I was, and closed the bathroom door behind her. She said something about getting a replacement husband at the next Talkeetna Bachelor Auction.
Enough joking. I’m thrilled that theatre is alive and thriving in Fairbanks.
Oh, and if you’re interested in auditioning for “Miracle on 34th Street,” consult the Fairbanks Drama Association website at https://www.fairbanksdrama.org/.
Just leave the tipsy Santa role for me, please, and try out for another acting part.
Har, har, har, ho, ho, ho!